I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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