my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
birth control should be required to get into college
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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