my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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