Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
