since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
