i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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