Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
