Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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