i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
