thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
