So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
