Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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