I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
