Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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