If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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