Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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