my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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