Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
