What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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