Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
