The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize