she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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