Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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