two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize