How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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