i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
