you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
be right there i have to get my cape
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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