remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
