whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
