if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
