K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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