I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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