I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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