Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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