I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
