Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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