You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
