Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
