I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
