smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
