I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
