When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
