ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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