I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
