OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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