finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
