True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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