No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He felt like a one man threesome
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
