What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
