Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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