every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
