We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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