I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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