I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
tell me about the eggs
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
