It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Drake has all the answers
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
