Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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