He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
