Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am mentally ready for anal.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
