Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
