thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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