i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
