good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
