what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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