he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
