it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
