peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
