Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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