I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
