Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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