"it" just moved
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How naked do you want me to be?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize