Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
