An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
